i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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