the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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