I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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