Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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