No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
