So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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