when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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