haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
