I cannot find my penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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