i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
