Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
