If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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