When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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