just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
