what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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