shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dear god my vagina.
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