you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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