ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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