I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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