Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
