Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
