im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
