I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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