Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
