Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about