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Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Randomize
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