so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sext me about skeletons
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???