cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends