That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
