at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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