I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
