I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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