Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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