Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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