I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
