Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
