I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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