I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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