I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
