I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
