I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
