you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
