He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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