Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
