I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
