areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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