just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
