Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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