Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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