he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Actions speak louder than pants.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
