I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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