listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
