Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
