How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
