Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
