You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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