8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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