First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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