If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
