me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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