I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
