Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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