So drunk its hurt
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
