it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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