My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
