every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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