u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ketchup is God's man juice
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
