Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
