its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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