No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
