The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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